I have been on a little kick over the last year or so of being what I call a "yes mom".
You have all been so sweet as you have responded to me sharing my personal journey on this topic.
I have had some people ask some things about what it actually means to be a "yes mom". So as I was thinking about where this idea came about i realized it's been a lot longer than I thought it had been that God has been teaching me this.
The simple of a yes mom is: letting go of control, fear and comparison that cripples your life. Taking time to stop and say 'yes' to your actual life, the opportunities in front of you,the people in front if you and the possible mess in front of you.
Also important to note becoming a "yes mom" for me was birthed from a season of saying no..so that I could now say "yes".
So that is the short of it. But if you want to know the whole (long)story here it is....(best wishes 
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Since I was a little girl I remember being very insecure.. insecure with my body insecure with my interactions with people, always feeling like I was having to think through everything that I was going to do before I did it.
I had no problem with being outgoing..in fact when I tell my mom I was embarrassed most of the time as a child she can't believe it because all of those who knew me knew I was an extrovert. But that doesn't get to the heart of insecurities.
I tell you this because I remember missing out on a number of things growing up.
One thing that came to mind was swimming. I was embarrassed about my body at a young age,and also I wasn't a very good swimmer. So I would say "I don't really want to swim" and would sit in the edge of the pool while my friends had fun laughing and I spent my time being envious of the freedom they felt to have fun. What would it be like to enjoy life like that?
The other thing I thought of is being a rule follower. You could always count on me for being a real tattle tale. Even when I was young,all my parents had to do was look at me and my parents tell me it was enough discpline for me. I wanted to please them so bad and I would just be crushed to think that I disapointed them in any way. Perfectionism...
I could go on about those stories,and thankfully look back and laugh when I think why did I act like that!? Praise God I am in the other side of some of that and God provided many opportunities for me to work through these issues. But even when I thought those things were far past me, I was surprised how they would show up later in my life.
Fast forward to my adult life...Mike(my then boyfriend) and I had been together several years and had already perservered through a good share of trials before we got engaged (one being a year long deployment to the Middle East).
In our minds it was like "oh we made it through,we can do anything"..and so we blissfully got married ready to face anything and began planning out our life together.
We had a sweet newly wed phase..he and I both were working hard, and Mike's college was interrupted when he was deployed so he was finishing school and looking forward to finally having our grown up life.
We had a pretty care free life and did what we wanted to. I loved my job, we hosted friends many nights of the week. We were passionate about ministry and volunteered for so many things. We were in a sweet spot. We had a good amount of rythm to our lives. We talked about having babies when Mike was done with school(he only had one semester left) and how great of parents we would be and how we would be do things way better than others who have gone beforeperf us (makes me giggle to type that out).
So about that time.. Mike got a call that his unit would be deployed again..and also for another year(mind you he was a part of the army national guard unit that had not been deployed in 40 years prior to his last deployment). It was so devistating to me.
God used that time in our lives for tremendous things. Certainly difficult, but a beginning of saying yes to many things instead of living in fear and dwelling on the hard. I used that time to build a brick patio, rennovate our landscaping and learned about things Mike always had taken care of for us, (even things like switching out light bulbs haha) begin using online banking ha! Sweet times with other military wives, dedication to exercise and fitness, traveling..all these things I had to basically say "I can do this!" And every day I would try new things and fight my urge to mope around.
When Mike returned it wasn't very blissful as I had seen in the movies. We had to get to know one another again, and although Mike almost was done school before he left, we found out his last semester of school didn't count because he didn't get to complete the final...so here we went again waiting for the right time for babies because we had to have grown up jobs and be in a happy place in our marriage..
My perfect plans weren't working out how I anticipated.
Around that time Mike had his first of many boughts of back issues..also not in the plan..
I had a really weird "stirring" I'll call it,or uneasiness during that time, and began to ask my friends to pray for me. I felt like God was preparing me for something that would come and it was hard to articulate and emotional and so I was just praying.
One of the big themes was giving up control and letting God lead us. I told Mike, I think we should think about having a baby now,there will never be a perfect time. So at almost 6 years of marriage, Mike now graduating college, we conceived our first baby..in the first try.(which I don't really like to share that,as I know how hard of a subject that can be for so many friends of mine) but even in that miracle..I was panicked and terrified. I felt like, what did we do!? But then when we saw that first ultrasound wow were we excited.
We soon had names picked out and nursery plans and registries. We would find out what we were having at our 20 week ultrasound appointment which we invited our parents to(I highly do not recommend that by the way). On this day we found out we werw to have a boy and also our baby boy would have birth defects. Soon we learned new medical terms of spina bifida and hydrocephalus.
One defining "yes" moment was when our Dr. Asked us if we would like to continue in pregnancy with our baby in spite of these defects. And to that we said "yes"
In this season of processing, I had many words with God..I will never forget the devistation in my heart that week. I wrestled with so many things and grieved the perfect life I imagined since I was a little girl. Why me? Why have things been so hard when I thought marriage and family was going to be easy Street? (Um,why did I expect that?)
But God was so kind to me and reminded me of truth, and that He promised to be with me on this journey ahead of me as He always had.
I could go on about this part of my journey because God did so much in my heart during that time. But I began to trust that the life in front of me God would use for good.
I remember I would have a fits often over all that I didn't have control of. All my friends would deliver at the new birth suites around and made birth plans. When people asked me about all of that (because why are those the most common questions!?) My heart sank a little as I was having a planned c section in an old hospital that was not in our city because they could better handle his care...
Control over *if* i would even be able to breastfeed, or even getting the chance to hold him like most mothers get the blessing of. Nothing was in my control..
I quickly learned the lesson that this is my actual life...began to see the blessings that God provided unexpectedly and not in my plan or in my control,but in His perfect plan for me
This became not a bitter time,but an abundant time of much joy and blessing when I layed down what others would think,and what my life should have been and embraced the beautiful family God surrounded me with.
There was lots if learning about being a first time mom, I had a whole other set of things in addition to the usual fears of newbie momma's as I got to know my sweet boy. We had a very busy first year with oxygen,apnea monitors big velcro harnesses and 8 surgeries the first year of life.
It's hard to believe, but the first 7 months of Levi's life I worked full time..We would have a hospital stay, and i would go to work the next day. Mike had just started his first after graduation job when Levi was born,and so my job had been important to us with great benefits and I was in a successful place,and I loved it.
My original plan was to continue to work because I enjoyed it so much. But it became evident I needed to be home..I felt a pressure of what would my coworkers think that I couldn't balance work and motherhood? So silly of a concern as I reflect..but God made a very clear way for me to stay home. And so I (reluctantly) said "yes".
I'm not going to go into details if all the 7 years that follow that time of my life don't worry..but that was the beginning of laying down what I thought was best and seeing the opportunity in front of me.
As our family grew,we welcomed our second baby boy a few years later and it rocked my world! suddenly after a mostly sedentary and very obedient,smart little boy,out came a very energetic boy who basically went from barely crawling to running.He was big bubba so I never felt like he was a baby lol! Suddenly I had a toddler and baby (but kinda straight to toddler lol) and it brought me to new realities.
Suddenly I was faced with new things managing two little people, and things like my children misbehaving in public! Levi was learning to walk with his walker, and me holding on to him and Lennox often running away meant my hands were full with 2 kids. And friends, I felt sweaty all the time!!! Every place I went I started thinking through every possible scenario and how I would plan accordingly..what equipment I would bring, how to protect Levi's legs from surfaces that would harm them, is it handicap accessible? Along with all the diapers,wipes,snacks,and planning naps.
One scene I remember it was time to leave the park and Levi was not ready to go and plopped himself down in a fit, while his brother ran in the opposite direction..I know I have good company of other moms who know similar situations.Thank you Jesus I knew another month at the park that day who helped me..I had to carry Levi, his Walker and then come back for Lennox. It felt like a completely stuck situation, and the other momma for sure had no problem kindly looking out for a fellow mom,but to me i felt embarrassed that I couldn't handle it, and that my kids would act that way in public.
I realized that we need to keep practicing being out together, and work through the hard, but it was also so hard for me,physically and mentally. So for years we only have said yes to small amounts of things,we host people at our home mostly. There was a definite grieving in that for me as I love to be out and about. But because it was so much work to manage all the equipment and lack of obedience, our trips have been very planned and intentional. That's not the mom I pictured myself to be, especially when I thought prior to having kids, our kids will just tag along everywhere with us and be a part of what we are doing. I thought I would bop around and be a free spirit, and at home I would let beautiful artwork happen and that my house would look like one i see on instagram while that was all taking place.
The struggle was also realizing that what I "was doing" was that God provided an opportunity for me to stay home with my babies and equip them for the future, there was so much yes to be said to what was in front of me, even at home, but I have been resistant.
You probably didn't know my "yes mom" journey was so complex.. because I didn't either. Now my internal conflict comes in things like letting kids play in the mud, whether or not I want to let my son pick a bright green wheelchair vs a more neutral color..(gah why am I such a jerk about that kind of stuff!!) And if I am going to care if my other son prefers comfy pants over jeans lol. I should know my lesson on these things by now but God is teaching me so much in letting go and saying yes.
This is all learning, and my stories over the years are many of how I wanted something to be a certain way and I had to get through these seasons to experience the freedom of enjoying my actual life. (And when I say freedom..we also added 2 more kids to the mix..whaaaat!? Oh yeah another yes moment.)
I have to say, suddenly I am feeling a freedom i didn't expect to ever see! I know you mommas that have older kids know what I am talking about.(and you with younger kids who think will it ever change?) Suddenly I have some more responsible kids living in my house and Levi is using his crutches more often so much more independence around here, but also a freedom in my heart as well. Freedom of less pressure on my kids,not being horrified if they look like rugrats, or if they misbehave or if we even have to go home early. Our trips are still pretty well thought out but I have found much more contentment in my ACTUAL life and the struggles it may bring, and because of that I have found so much joy!
Two verses from the Bible I often think of:
Psalm 118:24 says "this is the day the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it"
And
Psalm 16:9 "a man's heart plans his ways,but God directs his steps"
Thanks for joining me
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